2020 goals

I’ve never felt comfortable with resolutions.

As a teenager we’d have a family meal early in the year, mum would go around the table asking for our resolutions; it always made me sick to my stomach.

I don’t know if it’s because I knew failing to follow through on a resolution would lead to guilt and possibly even shaming from my family. I felt as though voicing something trapped me. Forced me into something.

One year I didn’t say anything so I was roped into my mom’s resolution to go on a health kick. It wasn’t something I felt was necessary for me and I didn’t commit.

I don’t want to start 2020 half heartadly attempting to stay on track on a resolution. I want to start it more purposefully. I have goals for the year and I’m going to work towards them in my own time. And because it’s on my time I can’t fail them I can simply delay their completion.

This year I want to

  • create content I am proud of
  • get better at communicating my needs and my limitations
  • improve my podcast editing skills
  • grow stuff in the garden
  • bake more
  • reduce the amount of waste I generate
  • pass my uni subjects
  • be more actively aware of my emotions and moods
  • avoid buying new things and instead get stuff second hand
  • actively try and work in my field
  • be honest about how I am feeling

Marmalade

Marmalade was different. It was made on a Saturday after I’d said farewell to nine people and while I waited for others to finish packing so we could watch tv together for the last time.

The citrus fruit had been sitting in a plastic bag for a few days waiting to be used. I was meant to cook the maramalade with friends but that didn’t work out because packing up to leave takes longer than expected.

So I worked on it by myself as my flatmates came in and out of the kitchen to distract me. And I guess that’s alright. These friends will in my life even when they can’t be there in person.

I suppose marmalade is a pretty transparent metaphor. A jam but not quite, given a different name because it’s a slightly different thing. The people who I called flatmates I now call my friends. Because there’ll be just a slight difference.